TACTICAL BACON • With a 10-year shelf life, perfect for that bunker, earthquake kit, dorm room or Mormon storage facility. Oh, and it’s BACON!
THERE’S A REASON I DON’T DRUNK TEXT IN CHINA • Well, in addition to not, you know, being in China.
CAUSE YOUR HANDS SHOULDN’T GO COMMANDO • Except for on Tuesdays, anyway.
DOES THIS MEAN THE FIRST WOMEN WERE HAGS? • I’m not a Darwinist, but this is arousing news.
DOLPHINS LAUNCH WORLD DOMINATION SCHEME • ‘We were playing around for a while but then when I wanted to go back in, he just wanted to keep playing. I became exhausted and started to panic.’
I’M GLOWING! • And I’m not even pregnant!
Six months ago I said that I didn’t “get” Twitter — well, now I do. Perhaps too much.
Twitter serves many purposes. It’s like a constant thought stream, a way to keep track of your friends and, for me anyway, it can replace RSS readers.
During President Obama’s press conference last night, it served as a great live-blog featuring who knows how many people.
Here’s some tweets from the presser I found particularly amusing (which helps when you’re watching a press conference in which the president essentially says nothing new, important or engaging).
- @HeyTammyBruce: If we had UrkelCare, Gidget, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, wouldn’t be dead right now.
- @drstrangelove17: Obama mentioned the blue pill vs. The red pill! THE MATRIX IS REAL! Haha. Just… kidding. (maybe)
- @allahpundit: There’s nothing quite like getting a health lecture from a guy with a smoking habit, is there?
- @pinkelephantpun: Oh here we go, he may actually answer…. oh. Wait. No.
- @mkhammer: “Maybe you’re better off not getting your tonsils taken out, kid. Maybe you should take pain killers.”
- @andylevy: Dr. Obama: Maybe you don’t need your tonsils removed. Maybe you have allergies. Let’s check with a bureaucrat!
- @CalebHowe: Tonsil-profiteering is one of the seven scourges of the economy, second only to the nutritionist-gap.
- @jimgeraghty: I could be completely wrong, but I think the body language of the press corps suggests that they want to chant “bull-****” in unison.
- @lehmannchris: Potus vows that Americans “won’t have to pay for things that don’t make them healthier” FREE CIGARETTES!!
- @CalebHowe: So, you know, in summary. I’m the president. This is my house. George Bush. Tonsil-profiteering, and get a nutrionist! Clear?
- @andylevy: Everytime I hear “And I mean it,” my immediate response is “Anybody want a peanut?”
- @IMAO_: Missed the speech because we were hosting Bible study. You know – stuff about the other savior.
- @mkhammer: My presser headline: Obama touts his ground-breaking transparency practice of… appearing on C-SPAN.
- @daveweigel: Wait, I missed the presser. Is Obama going to ration health care for white cops or something?
And if you want to follow me on Twitter, I’m @rockmycar.
BEST CORRECTION EVER? • In 1969, New York Times ran correction of 1920 editorial that suggested rocket travel wouldn’t work in a vacuum.
I’M SO MUCH HOTTER THAN THE GUYS ON THIS LIST • But I’ll post a link anyway. After all the lists of hot female conservatives, it’s about time the chicks jumped in.
OBAMA REACHES OUT TO MOSQUITOES • “We have a responsibility not to let the radical views of a few extremist, neck-biting mosquitoes stop progress towards meaningful dialogue.”