I admit it. It was me. I said ‘retard.’

I heard this report on FOX News Radio driving with my dad this morning, and never have I had so much fun doing a search on a news Web site.

Apparently, some lawmaker in Upstate New York uttered the dreaded “R” word on an open mic during a roll call vote.

What was he thinking? It’s like the Special Olympics, or something.

Great pull-away quote: “If you think someone’s being an ass, just call them an ass! Don’t bring us into the discussion.”

Don’t know what’s best about that. The blatant hypocrisy (don’t call people mean names, but use this mean name!) or the fact that he’s admitting he’s a retard.

The key to this story, other than the laughs (“All I want is … re … shpect!”), is that the lawmaker the wheelchair brigade thinks said “retard” is Republican Majority Leader Dan Quatro. Had it been the Democratic leader, it would get shuffled under the special needs ramp.

After all, it was a Democratic president of the United States who went on “The Tonight Show” and made fun of the Special Olympics. The next day, Special Olympians weren’t banging their helmets on the White House door demanding respect. Obama walked it back, and it was done.

Would the same have happened if George W. Bush had made fun of retards?

I may be slow, but I doubt it. The Special Olympics has even launched a campaign to banish the word from the English language — like Al Sharpton tried to bury the “N” word (now that really was retarded).

And notice how the other utterance of the unknown lawmaker goes unnoticed. He said, “Jesus … retard.” To the PC police, it’s OK to take the Lord’s name in vain, but don’t you dare make fun of the tards.

What’s really impeding the development of this story is that whoever said it isn’t fessing up. Show some courage, man! How slow-witted can you be to just let the word “RETARD” reverberate through what must surely be the otherwise cognizant and reasonable legislative chamber?

Well, I’ll take the blame. I use the “R” word frequently. My guess would be on a daily basis — usually in reference to myself (Is that OK? Is it like a black person using the “N” word?).

Shoot, I’ve used it in print (even though my final assumption ended up being slightly wrong, but that just gets me in trouble with Halle Barry).

Or hey, can’t we all just live by the old addage: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me (isn’t that what the safety gear is for, anyway?)?

The language police were ridiculous enough already. Now they’re coming after us riding motorized wheel chairs.